Bipolar, my constant struggle.

Bipolar plays with one's emotions like a little child plays with their toys; the majority of the time without reason or purpose, just does, not knowing exactly what they are playing out half the time. I've suffered with Bipolar since I have been three years old. When I was angry I was in a rage, tearing down anyone and anything in my way - which is sort of like it is now. I've learned to control my emotions now that I know about Bipolar, educateted myself in it. But when I was little - not having a clue - I was out of control. I describe myself like a demon back then. I was violent and rash and until I was seven, I was not on the proper medication. This monster tugs at my every emotion, taking them to the extreme. When I am sad I am in a pit of despair and it takes everything I have in me to pull myself back out of the darkness. My anxiety sky rockets to a point where I have a hard time grasping myself, let alone the issue or situation. But I see and feel things so differently than others. Things that are beautiful are more beautiful- everything is heightened. I live more intensly, love more powerfully; but grief and loss can cripple me.
I couldn't ask for a more acceptioning family. My mother was diagnosed with Bipolar in her thirties and that's how my family already had a head start for dealing with me. After my mothers passing when I was eight, I was thrown over the edge - letting the monster play with everything I was because I just didn't care anymore. I lost my best friend, my idol- my mother. For me there was nothing else to live for. That pit of despair grew deeper and deeper and I didn't want to crawl out. But my family was there with a rope and strong arms to pull me back into reality and help me work with this monster inside of me. My aunt- my guardian, helped me understand why I felt the things I did so intensly, tried her hardest to make me understand Bipolar so I could own it and work to better myself instead of letting it control me.
I have come such a long way with this disorder and take pride in it when people exclaim. "I would have never guessed you were Bipolar." I've taimed this monster inside of me and it shows greatly in all my success, not only as a student, but as a person. I inform the people close to me and even people getting to know me of this disorder that tries to run my life because there are such false assumptions on it. I want to educate people like I educated myself and make them less ignorant on the subject. I will always have this disorder and having a handle on it will help me get through life.